no more sad haikus

no more sad haikus
just forcing myself to write 5 - 10 sentences per day.
last night i could not go to bed. this morning i couldn't leave the house. i made an excuse for bailing on everything i said i would do aside from basics: eating, laundry...
i still haven't called my sister.
i'm upset that she would expect me to call her when she didn,t call to let me know she was going under the knife on monday (re: endometriosis).
i know it's little of me - she could have died and i might not have a sister in good health today but... i'm feeling so detached from my family right now. and the trips only make it worse. my dad called just to say hello and find out how i was and i was (1) unable to formulate what that was and (2) left the 4 minute civil/cordial conversation crying.

how many more slumps? how much lower do they get?
how high will be the highs? will they be high enough to make me forget?
because right now (i'm not trying to rhyme) but i can only muster up the strength to watch paint dry.

some hope though - am still writing. writing about angélique. the slave who burnt down old-montreal. it feels good. especially after having missed out on haiti day in toronto last sunday :-P